“That never happened.” “You’re remembering it wrong.” “You’re overreacting.”
If these phrases sound familiar, you may be experiencing gaslighting — a psychological abuse tactic that’s terrifyingly common during divorce. It erodes your sense of reality, self-trust, and stability when you need it most.
What Is Gaslighting?
Gaslighting is when someone manipulates you into doubting your own thoughts, memories, or feelings. It’s a control strategy, and during divorce, it’s often used to distort facts, shift blame, and paint you as unstable.
Common Examples in Divorce
- Denying conversations or agreements you clearly remember
- Accusing you of being “too emotional” or “crazy” during court prep
- Spinning facts to attorneys, mediators, or the judge
- Using charm with outsiders while being cruel privately
- Blaming you for every problem, even after separation
The Psychological Toll
Gaslighting isn’t just frustrating — it’s destabilizing. You may start recording everything, second-guessing yourself, or wondering if you’re actually the problem. That’s the point. It’s not about truth. It’s about power.
What the Courts Need (Not Just What You Feel)
You need documentation, not emotion. Judges don’t decide cases based on who was mean — they decide based on evidence. This means timelines, text logs, behavior patterns, and neutral third-party validation.
Use Splitifi’s custody and communication tracker to build a digital paper trail — objective, private, and ready for court.
Protect Your Mental Space
- Set boundaries around communication: use email or court-monitored tools
- Journal what you experience — gaslighting thrives on memory gaps
- Work with a therapist who understands narcissistic abuse
- Limit unnecessary contact and avoid reacting emotionally
When to Push Back Legally
If gaslighting affects custody, finances, or court filings, you can bring it up. But don’t call it gaslighting in court — describe the behavior. “He denied X despite text confirmation,” “She claimed I agreed to Y, but there’s no record.” Facts win cases. Labels don’t.
Splitifi is built for exactly this — helping you document patterns, stay grounded, and prepare intelligently. Use our AI assistant to turn raw notes into clean court summaries and prep statements you can stand behind.
